October Skater of the Month: Urethra Franklin

October 11, 2012

 

Urethra Franklin is co-captain of the Las Pistolitas and a member of the E-Ville Dead. She was chosen as Skater of the Month for October for exemplifying strong leadership qualities on and off the track. And she rules. Learn more about her below and check out her game on October 13th against the Black Gold Diggers!

 

1) What attracted you to the sport of roller derby?

I saw a game, and thought, "WOW! These ladies have the hugest balls*!"

 

* (please note, not literal testicals)

 

2) How did you come up with your derby name?

I'm an amazing singer. I can't do it professionally, nor can I demo my talent for you, because I'd totally bring you to tears with my incredible, mindblowing, superlative voice. 

 

Other famous singers have been known to pee themselves with uncontrollable jealousy upon hearing the first graceful notes drop from my mouth. Urine everywhere. 

 

Thus, I am Urethra Franklin, the official "Godmother of Soul (and Urine)"**

 

** (Thanks, Zyp)

 

3) How would you describe yourself in three words?

Awesome. Awesooooome. Aaaaaawesome.

 

4) Who is your nemesis on the track?

I'll admit that sometimes I get a wee bit distracted by my own reflection in the eyes of awed audience members at games. 

 

5) Do you have any pregrame rituals?

I do 400 pushups, 800 chin ups, and 1,100 situps ***

 

*** (per hour, for 24 consecutive hours)

 

6) If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would play you in the lead role?

Uh, Patrick Stewart, obviously.

 

7) If you could have any super power, what would it be?

I've always thought it would be kind of neat to have a permanent Nintendo Power Glove in place of one of my hands, does that count? 

 

8) What is your spirit animal?

A jet black unicorn named Dave, with deadly space lasers for eyes.

 

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